Back to work

It was Travis' first day back to work in 2 1/2 weeks. I'm bummed but happy to get back to a schedule again. It didn't even seem like that long. It was a whirlwind of doctor's appointments, pharmacy visits, Disneyland, Christmas, birthday and more doctors and pharmacy visits. We have just been trying to get Makenna healthy and she is just about there. It was a pretty rough couple of weeks because all she wanted was me!! Constantly whining and only wanting mommy!!! I couldn't get anything done. I'm so glad to see a glimpse of my happy daughter back the last two days. I was hoping the whining wasn't permanent:)
Also, as I sit here nursing my beautiful baby, I am thinking about having to go back to work. I'm torn because I'm partially excited to get out of the house and to get our financial situation a whole lot better. But at the same time, I am dreading it. I was thinking about it this morning and I got a panic attack. My chest got tight and my stomach went into knots. I want to cry when I think about leaving my baby. It's easier when they are older because they need more interaction with other people anyway but not when they are babies. They need their mommies when they are this small. And their mommies need them. I stayed home for a year with Makenna and I wish I could do that with Jordyn but it's just not possible. So I just need to suck it up and do it. I'm still going to make it a gradual process like maybe in the next month. I need to make sure Jordyn will take the bottle and that she is on a schedule but it will be pretty soon. I'm so thankful for having such a good baby. I know that will make it easier because I know she's mellow unless she is hungry or tired. But I'm still a mom so I will still worry. Thankfully, I have an occupation where I can make pretty good money and I will only be working a couple of days a week. It's just going to be very emotional when I have to go for the first time. I wish we were like Europe who gives their new mommies one year off maternity leave PAID!!! Ugh!!